Weed consultant needed!

This cool, rainy weather has been conducive to vegetation growing like crazy. Just last week, our sister station ESPN Radio (1230/1320 AM) had to hire guys to cut down the tops of trees on neighboring property because they had grown so tall and thick, they interfered with our satellite reception.

This weather has given me an second full-time job: Cutting grass and pulling weeds. Or, are they weeds?

So far this year, I have been mowing my lawn in Bethlehem every 3 or 4 days. I have a Honda mulching mower, so I can't set the wheels too low and cut it like a golf fairway (I wish I could). I feel as though I've cut the grass already as many times this season as I did all of last year. But one thing that's different this year is the vegetation in my backyard. I have a mini-jungle in the back of my property along my neighbors fence. I owned the place almost four years, and don't ever remember seeing the variety of greenery that seems to have sprouted this year.

Was that stuff always there, or with my "Rambo-style" of mowing, was I just running it all over from the beginning the past three years? Am I mowing my lawn with a new "kinder, gentler" vigor? Who knows! But what I really need to know is what is a weed and what isn't!

Sure, I can figure out the dandelion weeds, and some other common-looking ones, but what part of my new mini-jungle are actually weeds? I'm sure I am avoiding mowing over some weeds, but they look so pretty. And who says all weeds are bad? The flowers of some weeds (like dandelions) are actually nice. I also have these little purple flowered weeds that grow in a small part of the yard as well. I do mow over them, but they're back in 3 or 4 days to say hello again!

My youngest sister Betsy (nicknamed "Bad Betty") has somewhat of a green thumb, and she volunteered to come over and assess the situation. Unfortunately, that was before she landed a job at the new Emeril's Chop House at the new Bethlehem casino. Scratch Bad Betty off the list of potential weed consultants. Actually, with her new job, her new nickname is "BAM Betty"!

The Yellow Pages has no listings for "weed consultants". It's not even a category, can you believe it?

So, if you know any good weed consultants, send them my way. Even if they're just "average" weed consultants, I'll take them, as long as they'll work for beer and a steak made on my fancy new grill. There are no weeds anywhere near the new grill. That just wouldn't be right.